


Things People Would Want to Know

by w_s



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/M, FTM, Trans, Transgender, Transsexual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-26
Updated: 2016-09-26
Packaged: 2018-08-17 08:29:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8137288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/w_s/pseuds/w_s
Summary: Set between season 17 and 18. Barba thinks he knows what Heredio was talking about on the courthouse steps and decided that it is time to tell Olivia.





	

Rafael Barba leaned against the counter of the kitchenette in the hotel suite where he was being forced to stay until the “severity of the threats could be assessed,” or at least that was the party line that the security detail and the squad had given him. After Heredio was arrested the threats had died down for a bit but they resurfaced fast enough. When then hang-ups started again he had made the mistake of telling Rollins which led to new security detail. A couple days later he got to his office to find a non-marked letter lying on the floor of his office threatening his life. Oddly enough it wasn’t the death threats that were bothering Barba the most. It was the other threat, the one that Heredio had made on the court steps, and that he had gotten over the phone again in the last couple of days – “We know things Mr. Barba. Things people would like to know.” Barba knew what those “things” were though he did not understand how someone knew. For many, many years he had worked hard to keep his past just that – the past. He hated the idea that after all of that effort his past would resurface. For years he had assumed it would come up but it never did and as more years past he became even more certain that it would stay in the past. He had gotten comfortable. Maybe that was his mistake.  
There was a knock on the door and Barba felt his breath catch and his heart beat quickened. He knew that it couldn’t be a threat yet his entire body tensed. “It’s Benson.” He felt his entire body relax and went towards the door. He felt embarrassed as he unlocked the door and let Olivia in. “Hey, I thought you could use some company.” She smiled and held up two bags. “Also Chinese food and Scotch.”  
“Thanks.” Barba smiled and let Olivia in.  
The two settled on the couch and began to eat and drink. A movie played in the background but neither paid much attention instead they chatted. Olivia entertained Barba with stories of Noah. Then the two of them started discussing the squad; Rollins and Jessie, Carisi’s excitement over passing the bar, and how Fin was expecting a grand-child soon. It was way too early to talk about Dodds especially considering the circumstances that Barba found himself in. Barba wanted to ask about Tucker and why she was with him and not the man she was dating. Tucker was the reason that Olivia and Barba hadn’t been as close as they were. Overtime, they had repaired that relationship a bit but they had not spent time alone together since Barba had found out about her relationship. Barba wanted to know why Olivia was in his hotel suite.  
“Where’s Noah tonight?” Barba asked.  
“With Rollins.” She replied.  
“Oh, I thought that maybe Tucker was looking after him.” Barba hoped that the comment sounded casual.  
“That would be odd considering we broke up.” Olivia replied with a little chuckle.  
“Oh, sorry. I didn’t know.”  
“It’s fine.” Olivia replied and took another sip of Scotch. “Really, it’s fine. It was good for a while but eventually it stopped working and we realized that it didn’t really make sense anymore.”  
“I see. Well still, I’m sorry.” Barba patted her hand reassuringly. The Scotch was taking affect and he chose not to pull it away. They sat in silence for a while, his hand on hers, and watched the movie. Barba felt like he was an awkward teenager again. “Liv, there is something I need to tell you. Something I would rather you hear from me before you find out from someone else.”  
“Okay.”  
“You know how the people who have bene threatening me said that they knew things people might want to know?”  
“That wasn’t just talk?”  
“Uhm, no. There are some things from my life that would … interest some people. It’s just not too easy to say.” Barba explained. It had been a long time since he had had to have this conversation and he knew the only reason he was able to was because of the significant amount of Scotch he had consumed. Olivia tried to keep her facial expression neutral but was quickly filled with concern. Her mind began to race. She knew that Barba had grown up in the South Bronx around a lot of rough people. She had always assumed he had avoided it all but began to realize that might not have been true. It wouldn’t be completely out of the question that he might have been involved in some minor gang stuff as a teenager.  
“You don’t have to tell me anything that you don’t want to.” Olivia said as she pulled her hand away and poured another glass of Scotch.  
“I want to,” Barba drained his glass and stood up. He began to pace back and forth. “It’s … it’s about my past. I wasn’t always …. I was different when I was younger.”  
“Alright,” Olivia raised an eyebrow. Barba sighed. He hated doing this. It was a conversation that never stopped being awkward. The last time that he had told someone had been nearly five years ago. It was the last time he had tried to have a relationship. He had met someone at the coffee shop near his apartment – the only other person to be there as often as he was. Eventually, he asked her out on a date. It was at their fourth dinner than Barba decided to tell her awkwardly over their pasta. She had told him that it was not a big deal yet she didn’t call him back and he didn’t see her at the coffee shop again for a couple of months. When they did eventually see each other she avoided eye contact. He had sworn off real relationships after that. Barba looked into Olivia’s eyes.  
“I … I’m transsexual. I was born female.” The words came out of his mouth easier than he thought they would. He was sure that part of it was the alcohol and the other part was that he Olivia was the most compassionate and understanding person he had ever met.  
“Oh, that’s it?” Olivia smiled.  
“Well yeah, why what did you think?”  
“I thought that maybe you had been involved in a gang or something when you were younger.” Olivia replied. “I mean I’m not saying that I’m not surprised. I wasn’t expecting it but it’s not like it’s a bad thing.”  
“Yeah but most people act like it is.” Barba replied. Olivia stood up and moved towards him. Barba put his arms around her waist in an act more intimate than he had ever shown towards her. The line, that line that had been between them for so long, had been crossed. He finally crossed it. “Does it change anything?” He asked. Olivia knew that he was not talking about their working relationship or friendship.  
“Not at all.” Olivia replied and pressed her lips to his.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a trans man and don't normally head cannon characters as trans and I don't really think that Barba is (or even should be) trans but this story popped into my mind when re-watching the end of season 17


End file.
